A 50th Birthday Celebration

Reaching a 50th birthday is a milestone to many, but to Kandy and her family, it was cause for a HUGE celebration. When Kandy was born in 1963 with a diagnosis of chromosomal translocation, her family knew her life expectancy might not be the same as her non-disabled peers. But after fifty years, Kandy* is still going strong.

* Her real name, used with permission.

Kandy’s 50th Birthday Party

My husband, Jeff, grew up with Kandy’s family, so we were excited to receive an invitation to her surprise birthday party. Friends and family from near and far gathered to celebrate Kandy’s remarkable life. The mayor of her town (one of her personal friends) came to the party. During his speech, he declared the next day as “Kandy Dobbs Day.”

A slideshow, made by her siblings, chronicled her life. I marveled at all the pictures and how she has always exuded joy no matter the occasion. It’s obvious her family is very important to her, and she to them. She warmly interacted with the guests, calling each one by name as her perpetual smile permeated the room.

Kandy’s Early Years

Every mother-to-be hopes her unborn child will be healthy. In 1963 ultrasounds during pregnancy to detect fetal abnormalities weren’t available, so Kandy’s parents didn’t have the benefit of weeks or months to prepare for the birth of a child with special needs. The pediatrician examined Kandy the day after she was born and said, “I think she is a mongoloid.” (We now call it Down’s syndrome.)

Kandy’s parents were encouraged to take her for an evaluation at a facility for disabled individuals in Augusta, Georgia to determine her diagnosis. Kandy’s mom remembers the news of her diagnosis of chromosomal translocation being so unexpected. “These individuals are higher functioning than mongoloids,” the doctor told them, which wasn’t much comfort. At that time, it was normal, even expected, to leave mentally handicapped children there and forget about them. But her parents couldn’t imagine doing that to their daughter.

Instead, they brought her home to become part of the family. Kandy’s mom remembers, “She was just one of the kids. We didn’t know any different.” Their family, friends, and church family were very supportive and helpful as they learned how to parent a child with special needs.

Transitioning Through School Into Work

By the time Kandy was old enough to enter school as a Kindergartner in 1968, the Education of All Handicapped Children Act (PL 94-142) had not been passed. It would not be passed until 1975; however, the school district where Kandy lived had already begun offering free and appropriate education to students with special needs. She was one of ten students in a Kindergarten through fifth grade special needs class. She learned how to sit at a table and how to feed herself. Additionally, she had opportunities to improve her fine and gross motor skills.

During her six years in that class, Kandy was taught how to read. She also enjoyed participating in the Special Olympics.

Even though PL 94-142 had been passed by the time she began middle school, her experience there didn’t provide the best environment to meet her needs. She was placed in a regular education class where she was unable to complete the expected work. Riding the regular education bus would cause Kandy to arrive home in a terrible mood. She was unable to communicate what was happening, but her mother knew the regular classroom and the regular bus were not appropriate for her.

After a discussion with the school, they agreed to move Kandy to a TMR (Trainable Mentally Retarded) class. She remained in this class until she was nineteen years old. She did not receive a traditional high school diploma. But, she did transition into a work tech program with the county where she lived.

A Normal Life

Kandy’s parents wanted her to have a normal adult life as much as possible. She was responsible for getting ready for work, completing the cleaning jobs while at work, and doing her chores at home. She worked in the work tech program five days a week for six hours a day for twenty-eight years until they closed the program. She continues to live at home where she has her own living area upstairs.

Kandy loves Elvis. She enjoys listening to his music and watching his movies. She eats healthily and enjoys exercising. She does exercise videos or walks on the treadmill to keep her weight under control.

She has been a teacher’s helper in the toddler class at church for the last thirty years. My two sons still remember Kandy loving on them when they visited her church. Working in the toddler class means so much to her.

It has been a personal joy to me and my family to know Kandy all these years. Her party was as much about celebrating her overcoming a lifetime of challenges as it was about celebrating her 50th birthday. Here’s to many more birthdays, Kandy!

 Share With Me: Kandy’s parents instilled an overcomer’s attitude in her because they chose to treat her as normal instead of focusing on her disability. What can we learn from this with regards to the struggles we face?