Abandoned, Part 1
Angie* was too young to remember being abandoned by her mother, for she was only two years old.
Their father’s week and a half leave from the Air force was the impetus for Angie’s mother to get all five kids loaded into the car to meet him at the airport.
When Angie’s mother drove away after dropping them off, none of them knew she was leaving the family for good. Including their father. She’d made a clean break – no note, no forwarding address.
*Her real name, used with permission.
Having to make some fast decisions about childcare, Angie’s father took all five kids to live with his brother’s family. Resigning from the military several months later allowed him to focus on his family. New schools for the kids where no one knew the story of their mother abandoning them gave them a safe place to grow and thrive.
Boot Camp
A Brownies Mother/Daughter banquet when Angie was in Kindergarten brought to light the fact she didn’t have a mother. For you see, Angie’s father hadn’t spoken of her since that day at the airport. Instead of having Angie miss out on this important event, Angie’s dad took her.
Not surprisingly, Angie’s ex-military dad ran his house like a boot camp with her oldest sister, Terri, as the drill sergeant.
Having that structure gave their motherless family a rigid, but supportive environment.
Funny Like Grandma
Knowing she wasn’t like everyone else and not sure who she really was, Angie made a conscious decision to imitate her grandma (her dad’s mom), because her grandma was funny and everyone liked her.
“Being the funny girl or the life of the party was a perfect mask. What no one could see, what I didn’t want to see either, was I was an abandoned little girl in a big world. Feeling unloved, unworthy, and different. I didn’t want pity or sympathy; instead, I wanted to be understood,” Angie shares.
Feelings of Abandonment
When Angie’s sister Terri turned 18, she left home. Angie, then 10 years old, asked her dad about it. He replied, “Your sister left, because she doesn’t want to be a mother or take care of all of you. We won’t talk about her again.”
Two years later, her brother Joe graduated from high school and left in search of their mother. His decision to leave left Angie spinning again. Her dad suppressed his pain by declaring, “We’re not going to talk about him again.”
Joe found their mom and moved in with her.
Three important people – her mother, her sister Terri, and her brother Joe were not to be discussed.
How could Angie work through her feelings of abandonment when she wasn’t allowed to ask questions or talk about her feelings?
Visit Their Mother
The summer Angie was 14, her dad surprised her and her sister Pattie with tickets to visit their mother and brother Joe. Upon arrival, their mother embraced Pattie, but looked at Angie and said, “You look like your G__ D ___ father.”
Clearly not the welcome she was hoping for from the mother who had abandoned her twelve years earlier.
Going from a strict environment to a permissive environment (no rules, mom and step dad drinking excessively and partying all the time) was challenging for Angie, while Pattie loved her new found freedom. Angie wrote letters to her dad, explaining the laissez-faire environment and the lack of air-conditioning and food. No responses came from her dad.
Pattie met a guy at a fourth of July fish fry and decided to stay so she could continue dating him.
Once home and ready to start high school, Angie asked her dad about Pattie. He said, “She decided to stay with your mother. We will not talk about her anymore.”
Rebelliousness
Angie’s brother Matt (4 years older than Angie) struggled with their mother abandoning the family. His anger and rebelliousness eventually turned into acting out in high school. After an altercation at school, Matt ran away from home. Her dad’s response: “He’s gone. We aren’t going to discuss him again.”
Now it was just Angie and her dad.
At this point, Angie was past needing to talk about every family member abandoning her. Instead, she internalized her feelings, and those feelings turned to guilt. Maybe it was her fault Matt left. Her fault Pattie left. And on and on.
As with any teenager, Angie pushed against her dad’s limits. Two incidents of disobeying him were met with these words: “You know how this works. Three strikes and you’re out. You’re at two strikes, Angie.”
Fun and loving were words Angie used to describe her dad except when it came to discipline. He meant what he said, so when Angie tried to sneak out her bedroom window her freshman year of high school, her dad simply said, “Three strikes. You’re out.”
Father’s Punishment
A month later at Christmas, Angie was given a present: a suitcase containing a one way plane ticket to the town where her mother lived.
Her mom, of course, was not happy to see her. She said, “I know you don’t want to be here. This is part of your father’s punishment, and I’ll make sure it’s punishment.”
To avoid being at home, Angie joined the cheerleading squad, became class president, and took babysitting jobs. Rebelliousness and disrespect toward her mom and step-father grew and grew.
After an incident in which her mother forced her to lie about a situation to her step-father, Angie ran away and moved in with her best friend’s family. It was warm and safe and food was plentiful in this home. A stark contrast to her mother’s house.
Her Faith
I asked Angie to describe her faith at this point in her life. She said, “I knew God was with me. I always could feel him, even in my darkest hours, and I had many dark hours. I had a long and difficult process with my faith and at times I didn’t think God cared. I had placed him with all the others in my life, even he didn’t understand me.”
Health Struggles
Angie’s dad encouraged her to move home during her junior year of high school. Enrolling in cosmetology school was her dad’s idea, since she’d already earned all her academic credits.
That same year, Angie began experiencing severe abdominal pain and was diagnosed with endometriosis. Surgery to remove cysts and scar tissue helped ease her pain.
Even with the surgery, Angie continued to have the same health struggles throughout college.
During college, Angie met a man who worked at the postal service with her dad and fell in love. This man’s mother had abandoned her family, too. With these backgrounds in common, their priest urged them not to get married, but they did anyway.
Their marriage lasted a little over a year.
—– Angie’s story is heart-wrenching to say the least. But her story is not complete. Come back next Friday to read Angie’s ongoing quest to overcome her abandonment and trust struggles. You’ll definitely be inspired! —–
Holy Moly! Such pain and damage! Our parent’s generation didn’t have the tools or support to figure out how to resolve relationship problems in a healthy manner. No excuses but we are fortunate to have so many resources at our fingertips. My heart goes out to Angie. Abandonment is the core fear of every human being.
Amy back then in late 60’s early 70’s no one was divorced. . No man had 5 kids to care for. I’m grateful for your kindness and showing interest in my story. My Dad was amazing man.
He was an overcomer as well but you’ll see that in part 2..
Sincerely grateful.
I love you sweet Angie and I miss you since you moved. When school settles in, you, me and Marla need to get together. Love you.
Sheila,
You are such a doll. Thank you for reading and supporting my story. I enjoyed working with you wonderful ladies at church, and spending all those hours preparing for VBS.
I’m so ready and looking forward to having lunch with you, Marla and Jan.
Max is back in school and Grace will be next week, so I’m ready for some yummy food and a lunch filled with fellowship.
Thanks so much for supporting me, I’m very blessed.
Your heart breaks for her-and her father. One has to think he was doing what he thought was best in an overwhelming situation. He ignored it and she just stayed busy- a too common way of ‘coping’. Looking forward to the rest of the story. I know that it ends well cause she is an overcomer!!!
Shannon, thank you for commenting and showing interest in my story. Part 2 will clarify a lot. My siblings and my father were forever changed. We are a passionate group and are continuing to overcome life after abandonment.
I cant wait to hear the end of this one !!!!!
I grew up with Angie. I know some of the stuff she went through.When we were children we were close. Its scary that a good friend can go through such heartache and you really didnt know how she really felt.I know Angies dad thought he was doing the right thing for Angie.I dont know what else to say but my heart goes out to you Angie.Love u
Thank you Susan I appreciate your kindness and support.
We have been through a lot together as teens.
Thanks for always being there.
Greatly appreciated
I’ve known Angie for the past 15 years or so since our children were born and I treasure our friendship more than she can know. Angie is the LIFE OF THE PARTY, THE FRIEND to turn to when you are in need, a FEROCIOUS MOTHER BEAR to her children, the GUIDING MENTOR to my children, and THE ONE to count on. Angie is a COUNSELOR who will help you see the good in others and help you forgive the unforgivable. She is a HOT MESS who helps you feel so much better about being a hot mess yourself and for driving carpool in your pajamas on your most desperate days.
It is amazing to me that any person could have experienced what you have, who has received so little, has so much to give to others.
Christine
Those are all such accurate descriptions of Angie, Christine! I agree. Angie, you are amazing Girl! Love you!
Julie Lischer, you are too kind.. I love ya girl
Thanks for your love, kindness and support.
I’m overwhelmed with comfort from all the support this interview has received. It was not easy but I’m glad my challenges could help others.
Thanks for always supporting me.
Awl… Christine how sweet are you.
Such kindness and support..
I’m very grateful and back at you on the
Friendship and hot mess. I’m very blessed and I don’t take that for granted.
I’m overwhelmed with such emotions on how much love and support I have received from this article. I was very reluctant to do it. But I’m glad I did. I feel very fortunate to have all this support.
thank you for being one of my closest and dearest friend.
I love you
15 years, yikes.. thanks so much for making me laugh, because I needed that. now the world knows we wear PJ’s to carpool..lol. no seriously I’m lucky to have you as one of my dearest and closest friends. We have been through a lot, and I wouldn’t of wanted it any other way.
I know I can always count on you, and I’m very grateful.
Thanks for supporting me, not just by reading this and commenting, but for helping with my kids, and family, when I was away caring for my Mom. and for listening to me, and picking me up when I thought I couldn’t do it another day. You were the very first person I saw after I heard my Mom had passed. You came in took over all my duties, and more importantly you talked to me on the phone almost my whole car ride to Indiana. I will be forever grateful.
I love you girl,
I’m lucky that you are part of my life.
Angie, I can relate to so many elements of your life story. I was abandoned by my mother too- but through no fault of her own. As you know she died of leukemia when I was just 7. But she never left any note for me, any little trinket or photos to remember her by. I know she knew she was going to die and I often wonder why she didn’t leave me with some note to say how much she loved me. And sadly, I don’t have any real touching memories of her and I together. My dad was left with 3 children, ages 12, 7 and 2. He, too was an officer in the Army and had to deal with being in charge of his family. And a military discipline was his style like your dad! What happened was, is that he remarried to a woman within a year. My “wicked step mother” (a whole nother saga of my life!). My sister Linda became the nurturing mother in our lives. When she left for college, I remember how abandoned I felt then too. So many similarities to your story, in my opinion. Stories from our past, good and bad, need to be shared. Thanks for having the courage to share yours’. It helps those of us who have continued to bottle it up inside. Speaking of bottle, we need to share one of those too on my back patio as soon as it cools down a bit! I love you Angie! So proud of you! VA
Angie you are so brave to share your story. I knew bits and pieces but it breaks my heart to understand fully the level of abandonment and dysfunction you endured from such a young age. I’m so thankful you have the courage to share and be such an inspiration. What’s so incredible is that you did not even have a “mom” and yet you’re one of the best Mom’s I have ever known. I am certainly more familiar with the ending of story but look forward to part two. Love You, Julie
Julie Peters thanks so much for supporting me.
You have always been there for me and Grace.
I’m grateful for your continued support and all the times you kept Grace for me so I could care for my mom. Grateful & blessed
Omg… did you say patio.. I love you so much. How is it we have been buds all these years and I never knew all of that.. we ARE so similar it’s scary. I’m so glad you shared your story here. I agree it’s important for others to hear and for us to grow from it. I’m grateful for your continue support. You truly are an amazing person.
Love you and I’m holding you to the patio invite.
When someone opens up their life, their soul, their hurts and their healings, it lifts us all to a better place. It probably wasn’t the easiest thing for you to do – but THANK YOU for opening yourself to Melony. xo and hugs, Kara
Kara, thank You for your support and words of encouragement. Abandonment is very complex and most
People don’t truly understand it and it’s impact.
I’m grateful that Melony is in my life and that she was brave enough to tell her story. That now has opened up a safe comfortable place for others to share their’s. We all have to overcome things in life some big some some but just as important. This was a very hard decision for me to share mine. But Melony has way of making you feel loved and safe.
if my story can help others with abandonment or auto immune diseases to feel understood or not alone then it was worth it… grateful and at peace.. thank you
as brave enough
Angie,
I am so sorry to hear the hardship that you have endured growing up. And I know there is nothing I can say to take away the hurt and pain you endured while growing up. From that you have become an amazing person and mother.
All my love,
Tracy
I have knowN angie most of my life and these are things I never nknew. Of course I was a child when I met my mom’s best friend who was always good to me. I never knew your struggles but that has made you a wonderful mother and friend. Love you angie
Brandy,
thank you so much for reading it, and taking time to comment. I remember babysitting you, and you being the flower girl in my wedding. You have turned into a beautiful young lady and Mother. now that you are a Mother yourself, you can understand how important a mother is to a young child. It was not something we discussed back in those days, and honestly even now I’m not comfortable, but, Once I realized that if I could share my journey and if one person out there is going through something like this, then just maybe I can make them feel understood.
Your Mom was the maid of honor at both my weddings, and she was a constant supporter for me, and she took me in when I had no idea what to do with myself.
I’m blessed and overwhelmed with gratitude for all the love and support I have received
Your honesty always brightens my soul…you are the example by which to live with authenticity. I love you and feel blessed to be able to share this journey called “life” with you. Xoxo Paige
Paige,
You know better then anyone, life is a journey, and not always smooth. We have cried together, laughed together, and at times been overwhelmed together. Thank you for reading and supporting my journey. You lived some of it with me, and you know it wasn’t easy at times.
but with faith, love and support, I have learned to forgive and let the next chapter begin.
Thanks so much for supporting me and my journey. I’m very grateful and blessed.
Angie
You are one of the strongest and bravest woman I know and the most kindest and funniest as well!
I couldn’t be more proud of how you have handled this life challenge and instead of tearing you down it made you such a stronger person!
What a role model for all of us!
Thank you for sharing your story, love you!
Darlene,
Thank you it’s funny how people see you differently then you see yourself.
I appreciate your support and responding.
I have had very mixed emotions about opening up my journey, I knew it was going to be hard, but, I didn’t expect the support and responses that I have received.
Thank you so much for your kind words, and support,
so very grateful
Angie,
I’ve known you for so long and never knew all this. You are amazing! God bless you and your family. Thanks for sharing your story. Can’t wait to read the rest.
Love ya,
Cindy
Cindy,
Thanks for reaching out to me. It’s never easy to share certain parts of your life.
I had such a time with my relationship with my mom, and by the time she passed we were not the same 2 people from all those years before.
I was way too young when I married your step brother, and full of abandonment traits and issues, that I didn’t even know I had until years later.
My journey has been long, but fulfilling, and when I was able to understand myself, and how I think, react, and feel. I was able to open my heart and see my Mom in a different way.
Thank you so much for reaching out to me. Your father, and the whole Peacher family were always so kind to me.
I’m very touched by your support.
Sincerely grateful,
Angie