Abandoned, Part 2
If you haven’t read part 1 of Angie’s story, please read it here first.
Six years after her first marriage ended, Angie met and married Mark.
Health Struggles Resurfaced
Angie’s health struggles resurfaced when she became pregnant with their daughter.
A fibroid tumor that was eating the baby’s blood supply attached itself to the placenta. It could not be surgically removed for fear of hurting the baby.
Thankfully, Grace was born healthy.
A diagnosis of Hashimoto’s disease (an autoimmune disease in which the immune system turns against the thyroid) came a year later after struggling with excessive hair loss, memory loss, and debilitating exhaustion.
When her symptoms didn’t improve with the thyroid medicine, her doctor diagnosed her with pernicious anemia (a vitamin B12 deficiency). New medications were prescribed.
— Angie continues to struggle with these two autoimmune diseases. —
Fibroid tumors returned three years later during her pregnancy with her son. Max’s delivery was difficult. He stayed in the NICU for a couple of days, because he wasn’t breathing when he was born.
She’d been told she couldn’t have children, so even though both pregnancies were difficult, she’s extremely thankful for her two healthy children.
Dead to Me
Just a few months later, Angie grew tired of all her mother’s complaints about her sister Pattie and her dad. Sharing how she just wanted to stay out of the middle of the chaos wasn’t received well, and Angie’s mother said to her, “You are dead to me.”
She knew those were only words, but they were words of abandonment. Again.
Angie remembers a conversation with her dad soon thereafter in which he revealed very specific details about her mother’s mental health, even asking Angie to be more understanding. “Your mother is mentally ill. Because it was never treated, it’s continued to worsen. When she walked out on us, it saved all our lives,” he said.
Her Dad’s Death
Her dad passed away after years of battling with diabetes and heart issues in April of 2002. Her mother said, “I’m glad the SOB is dead.” This hurtful comment didn’t surprise Angie.
Angie took her dad’s death hard. I asked her to describe him. She said, “He was an amazing person. Admirable, honest, giving, and loyal all describe him. He had a way about him that always made you feel safe, important, loved, and the most important person in the world. He knew we all had a tough life and struggled with abandonment. He once told me not just anyone gets picked for the bumpy ride; it’s only for the strong.”
Angie’s Mother
Beginning in 2006, Angie’s mother was in and out of the hospital for the next several years for various health struggles due to overall poor care of herself and years of excessive drinking and smoking.
None of Angie’s siblings were talking to their mother during this time. They’d had enough of the hurt their mother caused. Angie made a decision to push past her hurt and help with her care.
In 2009, her mother broke her hip. She didn’t admit to the doctor she drank alcohol heavily or smoked. While in the hospital recuperating, she went into alcohol withdrawals and was unresponsive for several days.
Discussion among the five children centered around whether or not to take their mother off life support. “I’ll stay with her so she doesn’t die alone,” Angie told her siblings after she signed the do not resuscitate paperwork. Her mother miraculously pulled through.
Soon after Angie’s surgery in 2010 to remove a fibroid tumor in her stomach, her mother moved in with her. Her siblings were shocked, saying, “You are putting your own health at risk for someone who didn’t even care about you as a child.”
Angie continued to struggle with her own health issues as her mother’s health declined. Finally in July 0f 2013, Angie’s mother passed away.
Autoimmune Struggles
For the last several years, Angie has spent numerous hours in doctor’s offices begging for answers to her health issues. Ongoing digestive problems, memory problems, weight gain, excessive fatigue, and her hair falling out are just a few of the observable symptoms of her autoimmune struggles. Her internal struggles vary from day to day: insomnia, anxiety, depression, and irritability.
“It’s frustrating when people say I look fine, because they can’t see my struggles. They are on the inside,” Angie shares.
In February of 2015, she shared with her endocrinologist about her mother’s mother having several autoimmune diseases as well as her father’s sister. Chrohn’s disease was added to her diagnoses. He said, “I’m not surprised by your family history. You’re a mess. You are in full onset autoimmune disorder.”
Her response to him was, “My own body doesn’t even want me.”
Abandonment and Trust Issues
I asked Angie to share how she has dealt/is dealing with her abandonment and trust issues. She said, “I continue to struggle with my emotional scars. I’m still insecure, and I still have trust issues. But, I stopped thinking of myself as the girl who was abandoned by my mother. I know some think I disrespected my father by caring for my mother. In my last conversation with him, he asked me to be like him – forgiving, kind, and accepting. I strive to live out to his words. Abandonment is a complex issue. Those who were abandoned want answers and apologies, but they don’t always happen. At least I can say I never gave up on her.”
She went on to say, “I depend on my faith and knowing God is guiding me through. I will overcome anything. I’m a survivor. My journey is still bumpy at times, but it’s worth it. “
A large part of her strength to face each day is found in her husband and two children.
“I’m not going to say I wouldn’t change any of it, because that would be a lie. I accept what has happened to me. I’ve learned from it, and I overcame it. I want to be whole and strong, so I can help others who struggle,” she shares.
Angie definitely is a courageous woman for sharing her struggles and ALL she has overcome!
Visit my Resources page for links to Autoimmune Support Groups.
Angie I love you. I say this to others…you amaze me..you are so very generous. So giving. So very beautiful and lovely. I’m overwhelmed.
Lisa, well now I’m speechless, that’s not easy to do to me..lol
your compliments are so sweet, and I don’t see myself that way at all.
I’m so grateful, and blessed to have such great friends, that can see the good in others,
and ignore my irritability and exhaustion, and all my insecurities.
Thank you for being a dear friend, and standing with me, when at times, I felt like I couldn’t.
beyond grateful.
xoxo
thank you,
I hope I was able to be encouraging to you, Angie, to do what you needed to do to take care of your Mom even though it was so rough. I knew with your compassionate heart you wouldn’t regret it. Your Dad would be so proud that you showed her forgiveness and kindness even though it wasn’t deserved. I’m glad you had him to experience unconditional love and sometimes even tough-love!
as you know at times, I wasn’t sure if I could make it. But with the support of you and my Dad speaking to me from above, I found my way to see my Mom in a different light. I’m grateful everyday that I was given that opportunity. Now that I’m having my own struggles, I see things much clearer and how when you don’t feel well, things are harder.
so thank you for encouraging me, when others judged me, and for telling me to follow my heart even if other didn’t understand it or me.
so grateful, and very blessed for your support,
Throughout this most difficult experience I am so proud of the true demonstration of the value you’ve shown of unconditional love of family. Our children have been positively imprinted by witnessing your strength to embrace your mother during her final years – something in which they will carry with them and pass on to their children. A lasting legacy created by you with your ability to forgive and always unselfishly do the right thing. With all my love, Mark.
“Faith, hope, love, but the greatest of these is love.” You are a great example of love in action. You have shown love to the unlovely which makes you a very unique and special person. My prayer for you is that you continue to have strength and courage to enjoy peace within which you so deserve.
Thank you Sandra,
It didn’t come easy, but like I tell my kids, if everything was easy, what would motivate you.
I’m grateful and shocked by all the comments and responses I have received. It is a journey I wouldn’t wish on anyone. But, I’m glad that I have love and support, of my siblings,friends and family.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read my journey, and commenting, it means the world to me.
Grateful and blessed
Its amazing that we see people everyday that look like they have it all. But we just don’t know what is going on inside. When I feel comfortable enough to share with someone that I struggle from depression they always seem surprised. As a nurse I feel that empathy is crucial in dealing with not the human body-but the human spirit. There has been nothing in my life that has changed me like being a mama. And I think that is what allows me to be able to do what I do everyday-I have such respect and empathy for the bond between a mama and her child. And I see plenty of bad bonds. Its amazing to me that Angie was able to let herself be vulnerable enough to care for her mom at the end of her life. Some may say that she was crazy to do so-but I bet that it is a decision that she never regrets. There are so many people that never seem to be able to rise above what life has dealt them-good for you Angie. Paul said the ‘greatest of these is love’ and you showed your mom that-as well as showing your children and making a great example of agape love.
Shannon,
You are so right. When the hurt or sick people can physically see it seems easier to be understanding. But when it’s internal it is hard for others to truly understand what or how that feels. I struggled for years with diseases that cause depression, irritability and many more. But I hope you will find a place that you can share your struggles. You may be very surprised by how many will relate and it may even help some out. I’m so grateful for your comments and that you took the time to read mine and comment because I’m just like you. I was reluctant. But I had a wonderful friend that made me feel safe and she just happens to be a great writer. She spent many many hours with me. We even closed down a restaurant during this journey. I encourage you to find that safe comfort and faith and you will be led. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting me. I’m very overwhelmed with such support. . Which is hard for a abandoned girl. Sincerely
Angie,
Your strength and perseverance is an inspiration to others. I’m thankful for the opportunity to read your story!
Shannon
Shannon,
That means the world to me. I have been struggling the last few hours, about was this the right thing to day. But, the amount of support I have received has been overwhelming, like anything in life, I wanted to share my journey, not to point fingers at others, or to cast blame on any individuals in my life. I wanted to hopefully help others understand that with God all things are possible, and none of us are perfect, and we all do and hurt others. But when you can let go of your hurt, or anger, or baggage and look at the person as one of God’s children, and TRULY forgive, you receive the biggest gift you can ever get. God has joined you, and you are free from all that has happen to you at the hands of this person. My Mom had a very tough life, and lost her own mother at 15, she was abandoned herself, and she was struggling herself. I’m just glad that I was able to open my heart, which was really hard, and trust God to guide me through the last few years with her. Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do. Some think they have, but may not of. I struggled deeply with it. so having someone read this, and maybe they will forgive someone in their life, and it could change relationships, then is was worth it.
Thanks for supporting me, and seeing the value in forgiveness
Wow! Difficult, but compelling to read. May God continue to keep you and preserve you. May He grant you the desire of your heart.
Carol,
Thank you so much for reaching out to me, Your comment couldn’t of come to me at a better time. I was having a moment of, sadness, and back to feeling misunderstood. Then your reply popped up, and my heart filled with such comfort. So Thank you.
I’m so blessed to have so many supporters, and grateful for each and every one. But with all things in life, not all is seen as we see it. I wanted to help others overcome some of the most difficulties in life, and know they are not alone.
I’m glad you reached out, your timing was a gift to me, so I thank you
sincerely,
Angie
Angie, what an incredible journey you have been on! I’m overwhelmed with your story! Thank you for sharing it, I can’t imagine it was easy! You are a beautiful soul! Thank you for being my friend and allowing me to read your story! Incredible!
Thanks Tammi,
I appreciate your support. I wanted to share my experience with others. When God places is hand on you with such strength and guides you threw your darkest hours to a road of forgiviness. You have to share.
My mother died in the hospital recently. She was ill for several years much like your mother did not take care of herself. Until this happened I had not really thought about my own abondoment issues for a very long time, but of course was always there in the back of my mind just did not want to think about it anymore. Exhausting stuff. I knew at a very young age I was hurting but not sure why. I displayed many of the behaviours we are now discussing and chalked it up to being a teenager. I asked my mother several times about what happened when I was 4 years old. She played it safe and was honest but downplayed the whole scenario. My mother left my father. She soon met another man, but he left to go down to the states she got a baby sitter to look after us for a week while she chased him down there. The ran into some trouble and she was unable to make it back that week but promised to be back the next. The babysitter called the CAS and they came and took us away. In those days they kept you for over 6months until youcould prove that you were capable and responsible enough to care for your children. In my mind I had been gone for 2 years. Until l pressed my mother over and over again for information. I was believing what my heart was telling me. So with this new information I was now able to put the pieces together. I was glad to know details, I was overwhelmed by my brain trying to process this influx of emotion. What was I to do now. My life is very similar to Angies life. In and out of relationships, behavioural issues in school. All of it. My mother did get us back and married Joe who became my step dad. Joe was great but uneasy around us as he did not feel comfortable with cuddles and showing effection. My mother was naturally a cold person as she said later to me ( I don’t like babies they make me uncomfortable) That said it all. My mother and Joe had two children together. One is 15 year younger than me. When I was 22 my mother announced she was leaving Joe. She was taking my sister who was 10 at the time and leaving my brother with Joe who was 14. Her we go again…more abandomnet and now it would affect this new generation. Many people do not ever realize they have this terrible metal health issue and refuse to hear any of it. My sister suffers from it and has destroyed our family in her dealing with it. I feel I am reliving my childhood all over again. Much pain, many loses. Repeating over and over again. I wish I had made better choices in my life, listened to a therapist when I had the chance. What helped me was a man that came into my life understood and was sensitive to my struggle. We did manage to have several year together as a couple but of course I sabotaged that as well. He was strong and healthy he fought for us to stay friends. I almost dropped the ball a few times but stuck with it and now am happy to say we are best friends 30 years later. This bond has been my lifeboat, my light in the darkest of days, he showed me the love I never had. I would have nothing without him. Thankyou to all those people who have reached out and stayed for the long haul.
Stacy,
thank you for taking time to comment on my story, can I say, your comments blew me away,
I think it’s the first time, I feel like someone out there actually truly understands how I feel, WOW, I’m so sorry to hear about your Mom and I know this is difficult on so many levels, and will continue to be for a while. I found the loss of my Mother had a profound effect on me, I’m still not exactly sure why, but, I struggle with sabotaging everything in my life, and lately, I have come to the the notion that I”m not capable of being loved, and it sounds silly, but, it’s just another journey that abandonment seems to take us to, I learn more and more every day, and some days are better then others, but, I hope you will share your story, and help someone else out there you may be feeling the same way. I love that you and your ex- turned in to good friends, I never thought that was possible when I was younger, but, I’ve come to realize that is just the trust issue that is always haunting me, and that you can have friends, and who better then someone who got to see the real you. I wish you the very best, and I know our abandonment, is with us for life, but, we can guide are way through the days, that is surfaces, and enjoy the days, it stays out to sea.
grateful, and amazed that this came today, on a day that I felt like no one in this great big world understands me, or could relate to me, and then your comment was posted.
GOD Bless,
Angie
Wow! Angie, I’m truly touched by your story. It took courage to persevere through your traumatic childhood. God’s protective hands were clearly on you throughout your life. I’m so grateful you allowed your story to be told. I’m going to commit to pray for you as you continue to deal with your day to day struggles.