Collected My Tears

Tears collected in a bottle. An unusual idea, but David used this phrase in Psalm 56:8 to describe how God keeps a record of human pain and suffering. He cares for us when we are hurting. 

Rhonda* clung to this verse many times throughout her life. Believing God saw her tears and held her close during the hardest times comforted her.

* Her real name is used with permission.

Rhonda’s son, Mitchell, is an important part of her story. His thoughts are shared throughout her story in the blue boxes. His real name is used with permission. 

 

Demeaning and Hurtful Words

As a child, Rhonda didn’t understand the raging verbal attacks her father directed at her. His demeaning and hurtful words crushed her self-esteem. Unfortunately, it wasn’t just words. Beating her with a belt left marks on her hands and arms. His uncontrollable behaviors embarrassed Rhonda, causing her to never invite friends to her home. 

“I did not know God as a child. I knew of Him,” Rhonda shared. She remembers crying out to God after receiving a Bible and being baptized when she was sixteen.  

Her mom attempted to protect Rhonda and her brother, finally divorcing her dad when Rhonda was seventeen. With just one more year until Rhonda would graduate high school, she decided to live with her dad while her mom moved to another state.  

On the night of her Christmas cello performance, her dad was in a rage. Rhonda could hear him loading a gun in his bedroom. Realizing what he could be preparing to do, she ran to her friend’s apartment, slammed her front door, and ran to the farthest bedroom. “I was terrified,” she remembers. 

Leaving her childhood friends behind, Rhonda moved in with her mom and brother in Florida just in time for the first day of her senior year. 

Tears of Joy

In Florida, Rhonda finished high school while being dual enrolled in college. A handsome young man named Lloyd lived across the street, which was conveniently next door to Rhonda’s grandparents. Rhonda was flattered to hear Lloyd wanted to ask her out, but it took months for him to build up the courage. She quickly learned after a few dates that Lloyd was nothing like her father. Her family loved him and encouraged their relationship.

Not only did God collect Rhonda’s tears of pain, but He also collected her tears of joy as she fell in love with a man who loved God. Three years later, Rhonda and Lloyd were married. 

Having suffered with endometriosis since she was fourteen, it took three years to become pregnant. The endometriosis flared after their daughter’s birth. Rhonda learned conceiving again would mean more surgeries and injection therapies. 

Fire in His Eyes

Five years later, Rhonda and Lloyd rejoiced when their son Mitchell was born.

Their daughter’s behavior became challenging soon after Mitchell’s birth. A daily phone call or note from her teacher led to Rhonda missing work multiple times a week to meet with her teacher and the principal. Every plan they designed to help her learn, she thwarted. Diagnoses of Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) and  Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) were given when she was six years old. 

 

“Even as young as two, there was a fire in Mitchell’s eyes,” Rhonda explained. “He would chase his sister, just so he could tease and taunt her.” 

“We couldn’t enjoy any fun activities or loving times at night with the kids, because we were daily addressing the ‘fires’ they caused during the school day.” Add in counseling several times a week and sports practices, and Rhonda and Lloyd were spent. 

Mitchell began to pit his teachers against them, which further impacted the family.  A diagnosis of ODD was given when Mitchell was eight. The special education team agreed an alternative school setting would best meet Mitchell’s needs. 

Many tears were shed during these tumultuous years. God not only collected her tears, but He also covered Rhonda and Lloyd abundantly in His love.

 

Excruciating Pain

During this time, Rhonda juggled dental hygiene school and her job as a lab scientist at a hospital.

“I was first in my class and three semesters shy of graduating when my monthly menstrual cycle became consistently so heavy that it was interfering with my life.”

Rhonda’s gynecologist recommended a hysterectomy, but she wanted to wait until she finished dental hygiene school. Her doctor agreed to wait, but he scheduled her for an outpatient endometrial ablation surgery to reduce her heavy flow.

“I have a high tolerance for pain, but I was in excruciating pain after the surgery. Even though my doctor knew this, he sent me home with the highest dose of morphine.”

Would Have Been Dead in Six Hours

Rhonda returned to work five days after the surgery. “On the first day back, a dagger-like pain in my stomach caused me to lose my breath. At the ER, her bloodwork screen came back negative for a blood clot. When they cleared her to go home, Rhonda refused to be discharged until she had an abdominal ultrasound. I remember the look on the tech’s face who performed the ultrasound. She said, “What I see is not within my boundaries.” Rhonda knew it was not good.

The ER doctor explained he saw an abscess in her colon the size of a fist. The doctor who performed the endometrial ablation had burned through the vaginal wall and singed her colon. An abscess formed, now causing her to be septic.

An emergency surgery with a colostomy was performed. “My doctor said if I hadn’t come to the ER, I would have been dead in six hours.” 

During her sixteen days in the hospital, Rhonda’s professors worked with her so she could graduate on time. 

Surgery to reverse the colostomy was performed seven months later. 

Help Families Heal

While attending school, working, and healing from emergency surgery, her kids’ needs remained her focus. The alternative school setting and behavioral therapies weren’t helping Mitchell make positive changes.

“When Mitchell was in 8th grade, God put a wonderful counselor in his life,” Rhonda shared. “She recommended their family seek treatment at Eagle Ranch in Flowery Branch, Georgia.”

For three years, Mitchell lived away from home at this Christian non-profit whose mission is to help families heal.

“We traveled to Eagle Ranch every weekend for family therapy sessions. Initially, Mitchell bucked the system. As time went on, he accepted the counsel and direction they taught at Eagle Ranch. Realizing his strengths and developing them reduced his disruptive behaviors and improved his self-confidence. They taught our entire family how ‘to dance peacefully together.'”

Strengthened Our Marriage

“Unity, friendship, and compassion were gifts that strengthened our marriage during Mitchell’s years at Eagle Ranch. No one except the other families at Eagle Ranch understood what we were going through, so we leaned into each other and God. Nothing could divide us then, or now, because we came together as a unified force to help our son.” 

Their daughter enlisted in the Air Force after high school. While deployed to the DMZ, she gained a global perspective of life. She also met her husband there.

After graduating from Eagle Ranch, Mitchell enlisted in the Army. “He served four years, and then he disappeared. We knew he was toxic during that time to himself and to us,” Rhonda shared. “It was a special kind of hell not knowing where he was, or if we’d ever hear from him again. We prepared ourselves for the eventual police officer coming to our home with news of his death.”

Two years later, he contacted Rhonda and Lloyd. A mending of their relationship began. Attending church together helped each of them heal. 

 

Collected Her Tears

God has been a consistent thread throughout Rhonda’s life. One that has held her together and created a beautiful tapestry. A tapestry woven with Rhonda’s tears of pain and tears of joy. 

Rhonda and Lloyd recently celebrated their 36th wedding anniversary. Their daughter is married with three children. She is a Doula and owns a birthing center in Florida. Mitchell lives in Colorado. He is engaged and expecting a baby girl this May.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I can’t tell you how it feels to have stayed the course, bearing each and every burden,” Rhonda shared. “Seeing both of them as well-rounded and contributing adults gives us peace that the fight was worth it. God was behind ALL of it!” 

Lead Me Closer to God

While we are in the valleys, it’s hard to see the purpose of our struggles. Upon reflection, Rhonda believes, “The struggles I went through were meant to lead me closer to God. And so I could point others to Him when they struggle.”

Rhonda found comfort in knowing she didn’t have to have all the answers. “I released it all to God. He collected my tears when I cried out to Him, and He worked in the lives of my children, my marriage, and my health.”

She knows she will face other struggles in life, but she confidently said, “I feel more equipped to face the next one, because of all I’ve already overcome.”

Leave a reply (below): Verse 13 of Psalm 56 sums up Rhonda’s desire for the rest of her days. It says, “For You have delivered my life from death, yes, and my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of life and of the living.” Share your thoughts about how overcoming our struggles frees us to walk in the light of life.