Restoring a Broken Heart, Part 1

The following is Stacy’s* journey of overcoming addiction and abuse. Part two of her story will be shared in my next blog post. You won’t want to miss the restoration part of her story!

*Her real name, used with permission.

A Broken Childhood

Stacy vividly remembers the night when she was five and her father was released from prison. His charge had been domestic abuse. Laughter and a great family meal filled her house to celebrate his return. Unfortunately, the promise of a happy home was soon destroyed. During the night, Stacy felt her sister pull her out of bed, past a violent altercation between her mother and father, and guide her across the street to the safety of a neighbor’s house. Within hours, her father was ripped away from her life again. Her sliver of hope vanished. Her heart began to fracture.

Her father’s perpetual absence from the home due to repeated domestic violence charges and numerous drug rehab stents left Stacy in her mother’s care: the very same mother who had begged for an abortion instead of Stacy’s precious life. A mother who consistently demonstrated preference for her other children, even sending Stacy to her grandmother’s house for weeks at a time because she wanted “time away” from her.

The indifference and disconnect her mother felt towards Stacy was palpable, even to a child.

 A Broken Spirit

Deep within, Stacy believed something was wrong with her. As most children naturally do, Stacy sought ways to earn her mother’s love and approval.  Time and again, she was ignored. Stacy’s siblings cared for her while their mother worked long hours, providing for her basic needs and her need to be loved. At her siblings’ hands, she was given her first encounter with marijuana at the tender age of nine.

Experiencing a needed escape from her mother’s neglect caused Stacy to rationalize what she knew to be wrong. Having been caught stoned several times, Stacy learned her bad behavior held no consequences, unless it inconvenienced her mother. Splinters grew deeper in her heart as her destructive behaviors still didn’t get her mother’s attention.

As drugs and promiscuous relationships began to replace the love she desired from her mother, Stacy’s once stellar academic successes began to fade away. Dropping out of school in ninth grade was soon followed by an unexpected pregnancy at the age of fourteen. Would she mimic her mother’s neglect and unloving behavior with her own child?

Broken Relationships

Stacy’s relationship with her daughter’s father was short-lived. He was unaware of his child until she was two years old. Several years later, another man showed Stacy the love and attention she desperately wanted. Surely her life would turn around.

Soon after meeting Brad (not his real name), they moved in together. Brad quickly became very controlling and abusive toward Stacy and her daughter. Stacy gave her ex mother-in-law temporary custody of her daughter while she went back to school.

Her relationship with Brad became more abusive during her daughter’s absence, and Stacy resorted to the only true friends she had – cocaine and alcohol. Two years later, she assumed responsibility for her daughter again, but the partying and drugs did not stop. Being heavily involved in the PTA at her daughter’s school, helping coach her daughter’s softball team and reporting daily for work with a smile on her face made her blend in.  No one would have guessed what was going on behind the closed doors of Stacy’s home.

Instead of repeating the cycle of neglect, Stacy swung to the other side of the pendulum and became overbearing. This form of parenting had equally devastating outcomes. Her daughter followed in Stacy’s footsteps because of the pressure and began using marijuana. Her destructive behaviors ultimately led to drug charges and a prison sentence. With her daughter in prison, Stacy’s drug use became worse. In moments of clarity, she realized she needed to quit using alcohol and drugs, but her excuses for her destructive behavior won every time.

Would Stacy’s broken heart ever find healing and restoration? Find out by reading the conclusion to her amazing story next Friday!

Share with me: Lawrence Durrell said, “We are the children of our landscape; it dictates behavior and even thought in the measure to which we are responsive to it.” This quote explains Stacy’s slide into her negative thoughts and behaviors. What tools will Stacy (or anyone facing these addictions and abuse) need to possess to overcome?