Domestic Violence: I Fought My Way Out

Domestic violence came disguised as Larissa’s* helper. On the way to a family reunion, a tire went flat on her car. With no cell phone to call for help and no money to pay for a tow truck, she waited on the side of the road. A kind truck driver stopped and offered to help. 

Charles (a pseudonym to protect his identity) removed the tire, drove to a nearby weigh station to fill it up, and then put the tire on for Larissa. Before leaving, he gave her his card, asking her to let him know she made it safely to her destination.

A week later, she called him. Their conversation led to him asking to see her. His kindness and generosity in helping her with her flat tire her made her feel comfortable, so she agreed.

* Her real name is used with permission.

Didn’t Recognize the Red Flags

Two months into their relationship, Charles asked Larissa to move in with him. “He offered to pay for beauty school, an opportunity I didn’t want to turn down,” she shared.

Week one went well until he asked her to take a ride with him. “We arrived at a jewelry store, and he insisted I pick out an engagement ring. I barely knew him, and I felt uneasy. After much convincing, I gave in and picked a ring.”

Larissa didn’t recognize the red flags.

Promising to Never Hurt Her

She noticed a change in Charles’ behavior a few weeks later. He began questioning her, wanting to know where she was and who she was with at all times.

Charles interrogated her every time she came home. One afternoon, he rushed toward her as she came through the door. Larissa raised her knee just in time to stop him. “He was in a rage, yelling and putting his hands on me. Thankfully, he didn’t hurt me.”

He apologized, promising to never hurt her. 

He kept his promise of not hurting her physically. However, emotionally she felt attacked every time Charles questioned her. Accusing her of being in contact with her ex was an ongoing battle.

Faith Was Important to Her

Larissa accepted Christ when she was twelve years old. During those tumultuous months with Charles, she shared her beliefs with him.

She explained why her faith was important.

More to appease her than a desire to learn about God, Charles went to church with her a few times.

I Didn’t Tell Anyone

Charles’ verbal aggressiveness was relentless. Over the next few months, he became physically aggressive, as well. He cussed and slammed doors and punched walls in fits of rage.

“When he was out of town driving his truck, he gave me money and his credit card. He used the freedom to buy whatever I wanted as a means of making me stay with him and bow to his commands.”

She didn’t tell anyone about the domestic violence, because she felt she was strong enough to handle it. 

After five months of enduring Charles’ controlling and abusive behaviors, Larissa couldn’t take it anymore and moved out. 

He began calling her daily, begging her to come home. When she refused, he would belittle her: “You can’t make it without me.”

The Damsel in Distress

During their separation, Larissa’s car was stolen. Even though she couldn’t prove it, she suspected Charles had taken it. 

A couple of months after moving out, Larissa agreed to meet with Charles in public.

While they were talking, he handed her the spare key to her car. He admitted he was very hurt when she left, so he took her car. “I wanted you to call me for help,” he explained. Larissa realized he wanted to rescue the damsel in distress like she was the day they met on the side of the road. 

Over the next month, Larissa began seeing how Charles responded differently to situations. “Maybe change is possible,” she thought. Again, she agreed to meet with him in public places to talk. 

Don’t Go

One night, Charles called her and asked if she could help him after work as he wasn’t feeling well. 

She agreed to stop by, but on the drive there she heard a voice say, “Don’t go! Don’t go!” She ignored the voice and went anyway.

He answered the door and invited her in. 

While they were watching TV, he began questioning Larissa about moving back in, even offering to pay the rest of her apartment lease. She refused, but he remained persistent.

No One Cares About You

A few minutes later, Charles stood up, walked over to a nearby closet, and pulled out his shotgun.

He pointed it at Larissa’s head. “This is your last day,” he barked. While loading his gun, he screamed, “You won’t have to worry about your bills or your family. No one cares about you anyway!”

Larissa shielded her face with her hands. The gun went off. Her right hand was bleeding, but she managed to break free.

She looked at Charles and saw the eyes of Satan staring back at her. “There was nothing in his eyes.”

Have to Fight My Way Out

“I realized I would have to fight my way out of there. He blocked the doorway, so I began hitting and kicking him even though I was badly hurt. He fell to the floor, so I ran to the front door. When I looked back, the shotgun was pointed at my back. I remember screaming, ‘Jesus!'”

The gun went off again. The shotgun pellets tore through her left arm and grazed her chest. “I was in shock, so I wasn’t feeling any pain. I knew I had legs to run, so I ran a few houses away and began screaming and beating on the door.”

Larissa heard gunshots. “In my spirit, I knew Charles had taken his life,” she recalls. 

The ambulance sirens wailed, and the lights lit up the darkness. The temptation to give up crossed Larissa’s mind, but she heard God say, “You will live.” 

“A Scripture came to my mind. It says, ‘Every knee will bow before me; every tongue will acknowledge God.'” Blood was pouring out of her hand and arm, but she knew God was with her. Larissa bowed to the ground and thanked God.

Felt a Deep Peace

During her ten days in the hospital, Larissa learned her doctors had to remove several fingers to get past the infection. “You will be fully functional,” they encouraged. 

At the police station, Larissa’s parents pointed out her car was a stick shift. “Yes, but I’m not getting rid of it,” she replied. She reached over with her left hand to change gears and drove home. 

During the next few months, Larissa thanked God for sparing her life as there was no reason she should have survived. She felt a deep peace when she visited Charles’ grave and forgave him.

Three years later, her emotions flooded her. Because she felt a sadness about her outer image, she made hasty decisions based on what she thought love was.

Larissa began a relationship with a man who made her feel noticed and loved, but it didn’t last.

Her Limitations Didn’t Define Her

Larissa described the next few years as feeling defeated and in despair.

The amputation magnified her feelings of lacking a purpose, a fear of rejection, and unworthiness that had always been there. She realized these feelings had led to her being manipulated and controlled.

Larissa defined this time as a turning point because she began accepting the fact that her limitations didn’t define her. God showed her she was worthy and loved. He opened her eyes to her purpose: her love for doing hair.

Her grandmother encouraged her to go to cosmetology school. At graduation, Larissa shared her testimony of overcoming domestic violence, her trust in God as her provider, and not allowing her limitations to defeat her.

Survivor of Domestic Violence

Styling hair and sharing her message of accepting you are worthy and loved in Christ has been Larissa’s passion for years. A year and a half ago, she began writing those messages of inspiration and motivation on her blog, Larissa’s Love Notes.

As a survivor of domestic violence, Larissa’s learned:

• Seek a relationship with God.
• No one can define your worth but God.
• Find your purpose and live it.
• You draw and attract healthy relationships when you are healthy.
• Don’t expect others to do for you what you won’t do for yourself.

Larissa believes, “Overcoming is a daily choice. We cannot allow our limitations to define us. Live a life of defeat or a life of abundance: it’s your choice.” 

Leave a reply (below): Larissa’s story is a reminder to reach out for help if domestic violence is happening to you or someone you know. There is help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline number is 1.800.799.SAFE (7233).