Front-Line Caregiver

When the time came to be her sister, Tracy’s, front-line caregiver, Aimee* never hesitated. In many ways, God had been preparing her for that moment for years. * Her real name, used with permission. Her education and years of experience as a nurse prepared her for the day to day tasks of caring for Tracy’s medical needs. And Aimee’s years of singleness prior to Tracy’s diagnosis afforded her ample time to form very close bonds with Tracy’s children, who would lean heavily on Aimee during their mother’s four-and-a-half-year battle with stomach cancer.

Carried a Death Sentence

Only 11 months apart, Tracy (the older sister) and Aimee, have always been close. During college and into their adult lives, Aimee admired Tracy’s ease with academics, friendships, and dating relationships. “Everything came so easy for her. It was almost as if God was saving Tracy for what was to come,” she shared. Aimee was at the appointment when Tracy heard the words stomach cancer. And the words stage four. And the words no cure with a 1% chance of living six months even with treatment. Every single word they heard carried a death sentence. Even with her medical knowledge and experience, it was overwhelming to process the statistics, the technical facts, and the recommended treatments, because this was not happening to a patient Aimee was treating. It was happening to her beloved sister. Preparing for the Worst “From the moment we heard Tracy’s diagnosis, I went into caregiver mode. It wasn’t a decision I had to mull over. I just did what I did, because I loved Tracy. I was Tracy’s caregiver, but more importantly, I was her sister. I knew we were in a fight for Tracy’s life, hoping for the best AND preparing for the worst,” Aimee shared. Within a few days of her diagnosis, the most unimaginable, beautiful thing happened. Tracy’s sorority sisters, co-workers, friends, and family came together as Team Tracy. Tracy called them her motley crew. “It was that and more to me,” Aimee shared. “I knew I wouldn’t be alone in giving care for Tracy.”

So Much Bigger

During the good and bad days of Tracy’s fight, Aimee focused on Tracy. She was there every step of the way, because she never wanted Tracy to feel alone. “Offering encouragement and reminding her of how richly she was blessed and would ultimately be in Heaven was of upmost importance to me. I stressed how her fight against stomach cancer would impact so many people, because they saw her contagious smile, her grit and determination, and her will to live despite all the suffering,” Aimee shared. With God and Team Tracy by her side, Tracy paved the way into medical ground-breaking history for others who came after her with the same diagnosis and statistics. “I would empower her by telling her God chose her to be the face of HOPE for those who’ve been diagnosed with the same grim diagnosis and prognosis of stomach cancer. Dr, Ken’s medically-advanced treatments provided possibility and hope, because those advancements would be so much bigger than any of us could see.”

Determination and Will to Keep Fighting

Aimee loved on and physically held Tracy when she would verbalize her grief about not getting to see her children experience life as they grew older. “It was truly the hardest thing to see Tracy grieve. Her grief was my grief. I felt physical pain in my heart. But in order to keep fighting alongside her, I stuffed my emotions as best I could and tried to reflect back onto Tracy the same determination to keep fighting.” With every fiber of her being, Aimee clung to the words of Deuteronomy 31:8. It says, “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Knowing God was with Tracy and with her, leaning on God’s Word, and seeing God’s love through Team Tracy truly helped Aimee to not feel alone. There was no doubt God was in control. “He carried both of us, like the footprints in the sand poem.”

Live in Every Moment

Caregiving is a sacrifice. Of love. Of time. Of emotions. Aimee willingly sacrificed all those and more. But her husband and children sacrificed willingly, as well, as they too loved Tracy. “Jim (Aimee’s husband) and his family took such good care of the children we adopted while I was caring for Tracy. Honestly, my children saved me in those early days of Tracy’s intense treatments. When I would come home every three to four days, their hugs, their laughter, their lives consumed me. I would change my focus to the joy of motherhood, because they deserved nothing but the best from me.” Aimee described how in the beginning of Tracy’s treatment she would live in every moment with so much uncertainty about Tracy’s grave diagnosis and then come home to live in every moment of new life with her then two-year old son and newborn daughter. It was such a pendulum swing of experiences and emotions.

Front-line Caregiver

Just a few weeks ago, a deeper understanding of what happened with Team Tracy caused Aimee to stop on the side of the road. She grabbed a pen and began writing down the flood of insight about Tracy’s four-and-a-half-year fight. Aimee can best relate her role and that of Team Tracy to that of a beautiful and delicate flower. “At the center of a daisy is a detailed and beautiful core. Unseen are all the interconnected petals encircling the core before it blooms. When the daisy blooms, the core is never standing alone , but is connected to all the petals. I knew Tracy was the core. And I was one of the many, many petals of Team Tracy. We were all encircling her and caring for her. I may have been the front-line caregiver, but I could not have done any of it without all the other interconnected petals of Team Tracy.” To visualize Aimee’s deeper understanding, please watch this short video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJBR7v3fCu4

Moments of Joy

Aimee learned so much during Tracy’s fight against stomach cancer. She shared these words of wisdom:

• As a caregiver, remember you’re not alone. Accept help. Remember it takes all of the interconnected petals of the daisy to care and support the core, your “Tracy.”
• It’s not humanly possible to fix, cure, or erase what’s happening. Your responsibility is to love. To show up. To be vulnerable.
• Try to find balance between your own life and the needs of your “Tracy.”
• Seek moments of joy in the suffering. Laugh and be silly. Make memories.
• Be bold in faith and claim God’s miracles. He’s there. God is good. Always.
• Pray ahead of time for those you’ll come in contact with, including medical staff and professionals.
• Continue to be a friend to your friends.

God Showed Up

Tracy passed away in September of 2017. Her passing was extremely difficult for Aimee, but she said, “God did not heal my sister here on earth, but I KNOW she’s healed in heaven. She is alive, whole, and healthy. As I look back, I’m amazed at all the ways God showed up. Miracles. Renewed faith. Restored marriages (Tracy and Jack’s). Friends and family loving each other. Children drawing closer to God. Medical professionals’ lives changed as a result of witnessing Tracy’s unwavering attitude and faith. Laughter. Hearing God’s voice. A sea of bowed heads, coming together in prayer. And so much more.” About four months ago, Aimee was ready to address her stuffed emotions. She began individual grief counseling to process the trauma she encountered while witnessing Tracy’s battle. Here’s what she’s learning: “It’s not easy to reflect on the times that were scary – those moments when I thought I would crumble on the floor. I am learning to take each memory and experience I had with Tracy one day at a time and to embrace the ‘exhale’ as I too want to be healed. Tracy taught me that no fight is too big for God’s glory.”

 

Leave a reply (below): “Being a caregiver is not done for recognition. It’s a privilege. An instantaneous role,” Aimee shared. “”Someday you may be that front-line caregiver, facing the enemy head-on. Or maybe you’ll be the core of the daisy. Either way, expect love, miracles, bonding, friendships, restoration, selflessness, unconditional support, and unseen blessings. God is bigger than any statistic, and there is JOY in the suffering.”

If you’ve been a caregiver, share an experience that was especially meaningful. If you were the core of the daisy, share how your caregiver(s) loved you unconditionally during your struggles.