Infertility: Moving Mountains

“First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes baby in the baby carriage,” the childhood saying goes. Julie* found love, then they married, but the baby carriage was the elusive part of the equation.

* Her real name is used with permission.

Years of Waiting and Wanting

Three years of marriage bliss led to dreams of having a family. After a year of trying to get pregnant, Julie and Stephen sought the help.of a doctor. Suggestions were made and tried, to no avail. “Wanting a baby but not being able to have one was really hard on our marriage,” Julie remembers.

“Intimacy became so programmed. When my cycle started, we both felt so devastated. I questioned my worth as a woman.”

The doctors couldn’t offer a medical explanation as to why she couldn’t get pregnant. As a last resort, they tried artificial insemination treatments. Four unsuccessful tries was enough. It was time to have the discussion about whether or not they wanted to adopt.

Navigating a New Path

Julie remembers lying in the bathroom floor crying and struggling through her feelings about adoption. “I don’t know if asking for a sign about what we should do is biblical,” she told her husband, “but, I need a sign.”

Her sign came the next day at work when her boss, who knew of their infertility struggles, offered to help. “I understand Stephen’s company helps with the cost of adoption,” he said. “I will match whatever they pay.” His words struck deep and gave them hope.

Stumbling on Rocks

Seeking the help of an adoption agency would surely speed the process along, right? Julie and Stephen filled out the necessary paperwork,  wrote a heartfelt bio about themselves, and completed the home study. They waited an entire year with no interest. Julie’s heart was broken. “I felt I was not worthy to be a mom,” she remembers.

In desperation, they shared their struggles with their friends near and far, asking for help to spread the word about their desire to adopt a child. A call finally came. “A young mother recently had a baby boy, but we had to remove both of them from the home because of safety concerns,” the sheriff told Julie and Stephen’s friend. “We need to find this baby a home.”

A caseworker was assigned to the case. Another family had shown interest in adopting the child, but lost interest when they learned the baby might have medical problems. Stephen and Julie had not lost interest.

Moving Mountains

Two months later, at a meeting with the caseworker, they were filled with excitement. They begin talking with the caseworker only to see her get up and leave. When she returned a few minutes later, she apologized and said, “We are blown away. When you see this child, you’ll see he looks just like Stephen.”

Stephen and Julie spent time with the baby, and an instant bond was formed. The caseworker, in her excitement, said, “As far as I’m concerned, it’s a matter of paperwork. But I caution you as you are not MAP approved, which can take time.”

Julie’s immediate response was, “I believe my God can move mountains.”

An anonymous call came on Christmas day instead of their son. “The foster mom wants custody. Make whatever calls you can,” the voice said.

By January of 2002, Julie’s bank president, the governor, and a state senator made calls on their behalf. Stephen’s determination had not waned. Frustrated with the struggle of who should be parents to this child, Stephen wrote a letter to DFACS that said, “This baby needs a home. Do whatever you need to do.”

Julie was initially devastated that Stephen had seemingly given up on this baby, but it seemed his desire for the best interest of the child caused mountains to start moving. Their son was officially adopted and in their home just a few weeks later. Stephen and Julie finally had a baby in the baby carriage! As I’m interviewing her, Julie’s eyes light up when she says, “The moment I held him in my arms as my own son, I was madly in love with him. All the struggles we’d been through were worth every minute.”

On the Other Side of the Mountain

All kids are curious about how they came into this world. Their son was no different. When he was seven years old, he asked those questions. After explaining his adoption story, he was angry and asked, “How can that be? I look just like Dad.” Julie remembered the caseworker’s comment about how much they looked alike.

After their son processed the information, Julie and Stephen shared with him how God has adopted all of us. That connection has helped their son understand how special it is that he was chosen by two parents who wanted him very much.

Their now eleven year old son is a loving, happy and funny young man who loves being outdoors, listening to music, and playing golf.

Speak your mind: Sometimes when we pray a specific prayer, God seems silent. He is just waiting to bless us with an answer that is far better than we could have asked for ourselves. Share an example of when this has happened to you.