Overcoming Tragedy, Part 2
If you have not read my blog post “Overcoming Tragedy, Part 1” about losing their son Trey, please do so before reading the heartwarming conclusion to Sharon’s story.
Working Through the Tragedy
Sharon and John experienced a “honeymoon” period of two to three weeks after Trey’s passing. Everything felt surreal. Life kept happening around them as if nothing had changed. But everything had changed. For them. Trey’s suffering was over, but Sharon realized, “When you lose a child, it’s the death of a future.”
Sharon and John wanted to donate Trey’s body to Egleston Hospital for research purposes, but the hospital refused. DNA samples were taken prior to his cremation because Sharon and John wanted to find out if Charge Syndrome was a hereditary condition, as well as the possibilities of it occurring in their future children.
The DNA test results confirmed Trey’s condition was not hereditary, and the chances of their future children having it were next to nothing.
On what would have been Trey’s three month birthday, the family gathered as Trey’s ashes were sent out to sea with balloons to tell of his coming. As difficult as it was to let go, Sharon and John felt peace.
A Story to Share
Never having an interest in writing before, Sharon began posting journal entries on her facebook page about Trey. Sharing her feelings and reaching out to other families that had lost children felt very therapeutic for her. After a few months, Sharon created AngelSteps, a website to post her thoughts and feelings about losing Trey.
What was originally meant to heal Sharon has become a safe haven for other families who have lost their precious children too soon. Twenty five other families are honoring their children on Sharon’s website. You can also connect with Sharon on the AngelSteps facebook page.
Overcoming Tragedy to Receive New Life
Despite the geneticist’s news of Trey’s condition not being a hereditary condition, John wasn’t sure he wanted to have another child. Sharon was honestly nervous about it, as well.
A little less than a year after Trey’s passing, Sharon and John were given the news that they were expecting again. Mixed emotions filled their hearts. Sharon remembers how she struggled with God during her pregnancy, because she still held onto to some anger about losing Trey. When she began accepting the idea that God delivered Trey from a lifetime of illness, her relationship with Him was strengthened.
At Sharon’s six week checkup, the obstetrician immediately referred her to a neonatal cardiac specialist. Generally, the first sonogram is completed near the halfway point (20 weeks) of a woman’s pregnancy. Sharon’s OB recommended a sonogram at ten weeks to check on their unborn child. Nine more sonograms followed.
Sharon remembers moments of joy and anticipation, but those feelings were often intermingled with anxiety and uncertainty. John would call her often just to “check in,” as he experienced a constant state of unspoken worry about their unborn child. Every appointment (as many as there were) plus every reassurance from the doctors led to a more confidant attitude about their baby’s health.
Lorelei Byrd Chatham was born a little more than two years after her big brother Trey. John and Sharon had a healthy baby girl! Their families joined them in celebrating her new life. Her precious life brought hope to the most broken parts of John and Sharon’s hearts.
Each of her milestones brought an awareness that Trey did not meet them: sadness for Trey’s short life mixed with excitement that Lorelei was so healthy and developmentally strong. A blessing to be sure.
Daddy’s Little Girl
The picture above was taken at Christmas when Lorelei was five months old. Sharon and John often point to Trey’s pictures and tell her, “That’s big brother Trey.” They want to honor Trey as her big brother, but they know at some point she will ask what happened to him. The delicate balance of not making her sad about him dying and not making her scared about God needing him will be a difficult but important conversation.
Sharon claims, and I’m sure John would agree, that Lorelei has her Daddy wrapped around her finger. Never forgetting his precious son, John’s heart is full of love for his beautiful daughter.
“Throughout the challenges, Lorelei has been a beacon of light in the dark part of our lives,” Sharon tells me as we end the interview.
I know that not all stories end like this , but it was heartwarming to know that they had a healthy baby!!
Thank you for sharing our story!
Sharon,
Thank you for courageously sharing a very difficult time in your lives. I know many, many people are inspired by your strength. Your Angel Steps website is helping many other families who have lost their precious babies too soon. You are an OVERCOMER!