Please Forgive Me, Part 1

Rochelle* has known more years of abuse than years without abuse. What was “learned” at a young age formed an image of what to expect in relationships with men.

* A pseudonym is used to protect her privacy.

Can I Go, Too?

A family car accident when Rochelle was six years old caused her step-father’s true personality to come to light. With her mother hospitalized, her step-father insisted she and her older sister sleep with him. This was the first of many times he touched them inappropriately.

As Rochelle got older, the abuse began occurring more frequently. Her step-father would bribe her with a Happy Meal from McDonald’s in exchange for time with her. She would often hibernate in her room, but he would sneak in during the night.

Rochelle’s older sisters would spend the night with friends as much as possible so they could “get away” from their step-father’s abuse. Rochelle would often plead with them, “Can I go, too?” for remaining home alone with him made her the only target.

Her mother likely knew of the abuse her husband was inflicting on her children, but having endured abuse at the hands of every man she’d ever known left her broken, feeling powerless to intervene.

Trading One Prison for Another

While in seventh grade, Rochelle began dating a guy who was three years older. Within two weeks of their new relationship, Dustin (not his real name) was sent to prison for stealing. Still starry eyed in love, she accepted his long distance collect phone calls. At first, he was caring and loving when they talked. But as she discussed her activities and her friends, Dustin became possessive and threatening, insisting she quit hanging out with friends so she’d be home when he called.

Excited about how she celebrated her sixteenth birthday with her friends, she shared the details with Dustin during one of their phone calls. A few days later she received a letter from him with threats that he would kill her when he was released. Horrified at the threats, Rochelle broke up with him in a return letter.

Dustin’s parents found out about their breakup and made Rochelle feel guilty. The pressure was too much and she caved in to their demands.

Several months later, she visited Dustin at the prison. He was stunned when he saw her much shorter hair cut. Grabbing a handful of her short hair, he forcefully yanked her head back. His threats and intimidation wrapped a thick cloak around her, and she took those with her as she walked out the gates of the prison to go home.

A failed suicide attempt later that night left Rochelle scared for her life and trapped in her own prison.

Please Forgive Me

Once Dustin was released from prison, the physical abuse began. Beating her black and blue in front of people they knew became a common occurrence. Seeking her mom’s protection after an abusive fight with Dustin, Rochelle tried to explain her dilemma, but her mother overlooked the abuse and declared he would take good care of her since he came from a wealthy family.

Angered with her mother for not intervening, she divulged all the years of abuse she’d endured with her step-father. “You never believed my sisters when they told you about him abusing us. You let him keep living with us. I’ll never forgive you!” Rochelle screamed as she left. She moved in with some friends.

Dustin tracked her down and apologized, claiming how much he loved her and needed her.  “Please forgive me,” he pleaded with red roses in hand. His promises of change were convincing.

Three weeks later, with her mother’s consent, a young sixteen year old Rochelle married Dustin.

Married to an Abuser

The “honeymoon” period of changed behavior only lasted a week after their nuptials. According to Dustin, her jeans were too tight. She refused to change. A bloody nose and another beating  in front of her friends spoke volumes about her future.

Trying to cover up the abuse to go to school became futile. Despite pleadings from the school’s guidance counselor to help her stay in school, Rochelle made the decision to quit midway through tenth grade. This solidified her isolation from ordinary life as Dustin refused to let her have a car and insisted she stay in their apartment during the day. Not having a hot meal upon his arrival home caused beatings. Making eye contact with males would also result in a beating.

Being pregnant with his child didn’t offer a break from the physical and emotional abuse. While four and a half months pregnant, Dustin beat her because she didn’t greet him the way he wanted to be greeted when he arrived home from work. She tried to run away from him, only to be reigned back in as he yanked the back of her hoodie. The force of his pull caused her to fall down the steps. Now his abuse not only affected her, but caused her to lose the child she was carrying.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please forgive me,” he pleaded as he handed her a bouquet of red roses.

Mindset Change

Despair and depression set in. The beatings continued. Just “taking it” became a way of coping with the repeated abuse. What desperately needed to happen was a mindset change. But, layers of low self-worth, low self-confidence, and low self-esteem had amassed around her fragile heart.

I asked Rochelle the question that those of us who have never experienced abuse want to ask: “Why did you stay?” Her answers give insight into how a victim of abuse views herself and the situation in which she finds herself.

Rochelle finally finds the answer to her problems and begins her journey of overcoming. You won’t want to miss the conclusion to her story . Check out part 2 of her story next Friday!

Share With Me: Does our society do an adequate job of protecting the abused? Prosecuting abusers? Why or why not?