Plan B Resilience

“God teaches us resilience when our plans fall apart,” Jodi believes. “Overcoming is relinquishing the plans you have and embracing the new plan God has for your life.”

* Her real name is used with permission.

A Family in Need

Just like many young married couples, Jodi and her husband, Peter, envisioned plan A – a family with children who favored their parents. While they were trying, Peter learned of a family in need. “As a pastor, Peter has a big heart to be a father to the fatherless,” Jodi shared.

A drug-addicted mother and her three young children lived in pitiful conditions. Noticing the mother was neglecting her kids to get drugs, Jodi and Peter stepped in several times to help the family.

While in treatment, two of her three children, Rich and Tina, lived with Jodi and Peter. Their younger sister lived with another family.

After several years, Jodi and Peter officially adopted them. Rich was seven and Tina was nine.

God Brought Those Children into Our Lives

“Plan A of having biological children changed into plan B of adopting Rich and Tina,” Jodi shared. “I learned later on that we couldn’t have children, so I know God brought those children into our lives.”

After their adoption, there were many happy times. Jodi remembers the kids spending time with their friends at sleepovers and playing soccer at the YMCA. She believed nurturing, loving, and providing for them would make up for the severe lack they experienced as young children.

However, as often happens with children who experience neglect, chaos and defiance later dominated their household. Rich lied and stole throughout much of his adolescence, even stealing from his parents and grandparents.

Love Them Unconditionally

Both Tina and Rich struggled in school. A diagnosis of ADHD helped explain their challenging behaviors. The psychologist who tested them explained they also had reactive attachment disorder. This meant it was difficult for them to trust that Jodi and Peter would love them unconditionally, take care of them, and provide for them.

Tina often wanted to take on the motherly role of caring for Rich, which clashed with Jodi’s parenting. She was often oppositional and rebellious.

Jodi’s advice for parents who adopt school-aged children is to have realistic expectations. “It’s important to know the children will exhibit challenging behaviors as they test their parents’ love.”

Nurture Our Marriage

“Infertility, adopting older children, and full-time ministry can take its toll on a marriage,” Jodi shared. “It was important for us to continue to nurture our marriage despite the temptation to focus on the difficulties.”

When Rich and Tina were teenagers, Jodi and Peter hiked Glacier National Park to celebrate their 20th anniversary. “We knew how important it was to prioritize our relationship. It made us stronger and more resilient.”

[With God’s strength, they will celebrate their 33rd anniversary this summer.]

A History of Incarceration

Rich continued to struggle with lying and stealing in high school. The police were called when Rich stole from the church where Peter pastored. Because Rich was over 18, he was charged as an adult. Jodi and Peter bailed him out, so he could complete summer school and graduate. A plan to enroll him in a program that would wipe his record clean was a priority.

The plan did not work out as Jodi hoped. While out on bail, Rich was arrested for breaking into cars and stealing. At 19 years old, he was sentenced to serve three to five years in the New Jersey Department of Corrections.

Jodi’s heart hurt for her son. She cried and grieved and prayed. “It was devastating to see him in jail through the plexi-glass. When he was little and we thought about his future, this was not part of the plan we had in mind for him.”

Between the ages of 19 and 23, Rich served time in jail and in prison. “There was a history of incarceration in Rich’s biological family. His father and other family members served time for various offenses. We wanted to help break that curse,” Jodi shared.

Found the Resilience

It seemed every time Rich was getting to a better place, he would get knocked down again.

“I admit we wanted to give up on him many times, but God has shown us His love through those hardships. God didn’t give up on us, so we realized we couldn’t give up on Rich. We found the resilience to keep loving him and encouraging him.”

Thanksgiving at the Jersey Shore was the first time in four years that Rich, Tina, Jodi, and Peter were together as a family. “We were thankful for the chance to reconnect.”

“In our hopes and plans for Tina, we didn’t envision years of struggle and estrangement for her. After high school, we lost touch for a while. Tina had an unplanned pregnancy while in a dysfunctional relationship. She gave birth to a daughter with Prader-Willi syndrome, which has been a test of her perseverance and resilience as a mother.”

Didn’t Go According to Plan

More difficulties lie ahead. Peter accepted a pastoral position in New Jersey with the plans to be the senior pastor for ten years at a church by the Jersey Shore and then retire.

Just as some of their other hopes didn’t go according to plan, Peter became sick with dizziness, stomach pain, severe insomnia and began losing weight quickly. Depression and anxiety set in as it became increasingly more difficult to concentrate and prepare sermons. Peter took medical leave for three months and when he returned, he did his best to pastor the church despite the unexplained sickness and numerous tests that yielded an inconclusive diagnosis.

After nine months of trying to fulfill his duties, his symptoms worsened. Peter resigned as he could no longer effectively pastor the church. A debilitating sickness was certainly not in their plans.

“I was angry. How could God bring Peter back to the ministry in New Jersey, yet allow this sickness to force him to resign at such a young age?”

Peter and Jodi moved in with her parents in New York while Peter underwent more tests to determine what was causing his symptoms. Peter found a tick on him when his symptoms first started, but all the tests for Lyme disease came back negative. Two weeks after they moved to New York, Peter tore his Achilles tendon.

Cloud My View

After three long years of major depressive disorder and anxiety, a Lyme disease expert diagnosed Peter with Lyme disease. He began an aggressive treatment.

“I grieved the loss of our plans for retirement and the loss of Peter’s health. I got off track spiritually, which allowed anger at God to cloud my view for a time. Despite living with a chronic illness, Peter has gained a resilience that matured his walk with God.”

When Jodi’s job ended in New York, she prayed for direction. God kept pointing her to North Carolina where her widowed mother-in-law, her daughter Tina, and her granddaughter lived.

“Peter was improving, but he still is unable to work. Our plan of retiring to the Jersey Shore now looks like the Blue Ridge mountains where we hike to waterfalls and enjoy God’s beautiful creation. I thank God for leading us here.”

Answered Prayers

As Jodi and Peter were starting their new life in North Carolina, their son Rich was starting his new life in Arizona. He married a wonderful woman, becoming a father to two stepdaughters and their daughter who just turned a year old. He loves his family and his job as a mechanic.

Tina is an amazing mother. She enjoys a close relationship with Jodi and Peter, who are thrilled to be a part of their lives.

“Tina and Rich are living productive and fulfilling lives. And Peter and I are thankful for answered prayers. If I could encourage adoptive parents, I would say to keep praying and never give up hope,” Jodi shared.

Teach Us Perseverance, Strength, and Resilience

Over the years, Jodi put her trust and faith in God even when she didn’t understand His plans. “Bouncing back from struggles is what resilience is all about. Every time our plans changed, God’s strength allowed us to recover, adjust, and bounce back.”

Reading God’s Word convinced Jodi that God stood beside her at every turn. 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 says, “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”

Becoming Resilient by Donna Gibbs and When God Doesn’t Fix It by Laura Story helped Jodi understand how God uses hardships to teach us perseverance, strength, and resilience.

Jodi encourages those who are experiencing struggles to “Cry out to Jesus and rely on the Lord’s strength. We must surrender what we think life should be like and ask Him to help us embrace where we are.”

Leave a reply (below): Life often doesn’t go according to our plans. How have you found plan B or C or D to be even better than your plan A?