When the All or Nothing Mindset Isn’t Cutting It

As the daughter of a professional athlete (Rich Dauer was inducted into Batlimore Orioles Hall of Fame in 2012.) and a lifelong athlete-turned-coach myself, I am well versed in the idea of ‘all or nothing.’ I lived most of my life with the old school attitude of “give 110% or don’t show up at all.” It’s not a new idea. Unfortunately, it’s how many of us were taught to be successful. 

My friend and guest blogger, Casey Brothers, is a certified health coach and a women’s volleyball coach. She and Dan have been married for twelve years. Their son and daughter are two of the cutest kids. Casey sang in a band years ago and plans her travel around wine regions.

Needed to Do More

I often see this in my line of work with athletes and my health coaching clients in particular. People who so badly want to be successful but who are quick to throw in the towel as soon as they make a mistake. Who feel like failures, because they keep riding the same restriction/overindulge cycle over and over again. Who have tried every “quick fix” in the book, but can’t seem to make the habits stick.  

I was in this spot about six months after having my second baby. I found myself in a rut.  We’ve all been there. Doing all the things we’ve been told to do in order to just feel like ourselves again.  So when I hit that stall out at six months postpartum, I went back to my old philosophy of just clean up your act in the kitchen and workout extra hard if you want to see change. How’s that for an all or nothing mindset?!

This philosophy told me I needed to do more. More time in the gym. More cutting of calories and less enjoying foods I love (and I love food, y’all). But I didn’t want to do that. And I also didn’t have the time with an infant and a toddler to spend an additional thirty minutes to an hour on top of what I was already doing in the gym. I mean who really has that kind of time anyway? Spare time was a commodity I did not have. 

Doesn’t Allow for Grace

The problem with this ‘all or nothing line’ of thinking is that it doesn’t allow for grace. Whether we want to believe it or not, we are not perfect. Life is not perfect. Our progress to get to our goals looks less like a rocketship to the sky and more like a lot of peaks and valleys. It will ebb and flow.

The funny thing is we wouldn’t expect perfection from any other area of our life. Take parenting, for example. What if we just gave up and quit the moment we made a mistake as parents? We would have LOTS of parentless kids in this world! And think about your workplace for a moment. Do you quit and find a new job every time you make a mistake? Of course not. Our lives are dependent on that paycheck!

The fact is we know we are human and we will make mistakes. So we must allow for grace in those areas of our lives. Our health and wellness is such a huge part of our lives that it’s crazy not to extend the same amount of grace to ourselves in those areas.

Willing to Try Anything

So, back to my rut. I was starting to feel hopeless. I hated I didn’t feel like I could enjoy food. My energy was TANKING at 3:00 p.m. every day. Just as I thought I would have to cut out all the things I love forever (dinners out, wine, Mexican food, joy, and happiness), a friend asked me if I’d be interested in trying FASTer Way To Fat Loss.  Now listen guys, I’ve never been a “program” person.  And the name sounded silly. But at that point, I was willing to try anything. And I am so glad I did, because it changed the game for me! I loved it so much, I even became a certified FASTer Way coach.

In the FASTer Way program, we talk a lot about ‘progress over perfection’ versus ‘all or nothing.’ Many people struggle with ‘progress over perfection,’ because it’s a huge mindset shift. People are so afraid to fail that they miss the big picture: failing is actually a GOOD thing, because it allows for growth. 

No Room for Failure and No Room for Growth

Here’s something you may never have considered: having an ‘all or nothing’ mindset when it comes to your health and wellness can actually stunt your progress, because there is no room for failure. It also means there is no room for growth! ‘Progress over perfection’ allows for grace, but it also allows for learning and habit forming. I would much rather see a client try 100 times imperfectly and learn throughout the process than try one time perfectly and be done. ‘All or nothing’ can suck the JOY right out of living. ‘Progress over perfection’ allows for life to be lived in a healthy, sustainable way. 

In the end YOU are the only person who gets to control how you feel inside. With regards to my health and wellness journey, I ask this question: what do I want to be proud of when I look back on my life at 85 years old? Do I want to say I was a woman who lived a healthy life and found JOY in the process? Or will I wish I hadn’t spent so much time wrapped up in trying to do everything perfectly? The choice is yours to make.

May I help you reach your health and wellness goals? Join me for my next six-week program on January 4!

 

Leave a reply (below): What health and wellness goals have you made for the new year?