If you haven’t read part 1 of Diane’s story, please read it here first. Three years after her official diagnosis, Diane experienced a turning point in her journey with bipolar disorder. She made a decision that would change how she viewed her mental illness and others who also had mental illnesses. “I wasn’t afraid any longer of the stigma when I told people I have bipolar disorder. I decided I would accept my diagnosis and be an advocate for those who couldn’t speak for themselves.”

Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder

During our interview, Diane referred often to both her depressed and manic symptoms. I was familiar with some of them, but I was most interested to learn about mixed state. Check out the symptoms of each:

 

Because bipolar is about fluctuations in mood, Diane has learned to look for patterns in her moods. “I learned about MoodTracker (at moodtracker.com) from an online support group. As I’ve consistently tracked my moods, it has been very helpful in learning my patterns – the lows and the highs, especially my seasonal depression.” Tracking her moods has helped her and those caring for her to see the red flags when she’s needing more treatment than her medications and counseling therapy can provide.

Hospitalization

Her first hospitalization in March of 2008 was after a premeditated suicide attempt by drinking excessively and taking too many pills. Her psychiatrist recommended six days at Ridgeview. “After that experience, I knew I didn’t want to be hospitalized again.” Her resolve to not be hospitalized didn’t last but seven months. A six day stay at Peachford in October of 2008 helped stabilize her and reaffirmed her desire to be an advocate for others with mental illness. Diane admitted she became quite good at “faking it” to cover her true moods. Increasing her meds and more frequent counseling sessions during a six-month depression in 2010 didn’t spark any hope in her outlook. Seeing no end to the struggle, she swallowed a bottle of pills and called Tim. When she arrived at the hospital, they pumped her stomach and took her straight to Peachford for a 21-day hospitalization. Her transition after that treatment was shaky, but she was determined to continue fighting.

While it’s never been easy for Diane to live day-in and day-out with bipolar disorder, that two year period of being in and out of treatment hospitals may have made some people stop fighting. But not Diane. She’s gained incredible wisdom as she’s fought hard to live a stable life. “For me, it’s all about my relationship with Jesus. Apart from Him, I would not be here. When I’m having a tough day, the best thing to do is cry out to God. I know He hears me and strengthens me.” She seeks times of solitude, so she can read God’s Word and pray. Her favorite verse is Psalm 17:8. She feels God’s protection and love in the shadow of His wings. Diane’s husband and sons have loved and supported her through the highs and lows of her illness. “Tim, though he can’t understand many of my struggles, he is full of compassion. He has loved me every step of the way. And I’m the only mom my boys know. Stable. Crazy. It doesn’t matter. They love me no matter what,” she shared.

Intensive Residential Therapy

After weeks of Diane spending money like crazy, putting too much personal information on social media, being out of control in every area of her life, and having suicidal thoughts, Diane’s psychiatrist insisted she get treatment. In February of 2018, Diane checked herself into Ridgeview. Nine days of med adjustments didn’t do much in the way of stabilizing her. Her psychiatrist and counselor remained concerned about her mixed state behavior (see description above). Diane continued to spiral. A different type of treatment was required. Diane checked into an out-of-state Christian-based intensive residential therapy program. Instead of just focusing on treating her bipolar disorder, this treatment program would primarily focus on the sexual abuse/trauma from her childhood.

“My freedoms were stripped. It was incredibly hard for me to ask a twenty-something staff member if I could go to the bathroom,” Diane shared. “I participated in therapy (individual, group, art, restorative yoga, and dance/movement) around the clock. As much as I didn’t like the confines and restrictions at the treatment center, I desperately needed it. “

Diane described two therapies she participated in that brought about more freedom from her past trauma than she has experienced in many, many years.

1. Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) “It equips you with tools to better manage those difficult times in your life. It is the foundation treatment. We were asked to express our grief and loss. I immediately took to pen and paper and wrote a letter titled ‘Dear Suicide.’ When I finished writing it, I knew deep inside that suicide no longer has power over me.”
2. Dance movement therapy (DMT) “We were told not to talk, but to use our bodies to express what comes up in our emotions/feelings. At first I thought it was silly, but I did it, because I came to gain whatever I could.” When Diane was handed a pillow and told to picture her younger self, she grabbed the pillow and squeezed tightly. Her hand shot out in the form of a stop sign. “I immediately realized protection was what I needed as a child.”

“That intensive residential and then partial hospitalization program was a life-changing experience. No, it was more than that. It was a LIFE-SAVING experience,” Diane shared.

A No Casserole Illness

Remember in part 1 of Diane’s story she shared mental illness is treated like a no casserole illness? I asked her if things have changed any since her diagnosis 12 years ago. She said, “The church has come a LONG way. Many people have walked beside me, provided restaurant gift cards for dinners, taken care of my kids, and driven my kids to sports practices and church. I have received so much encouragement through calls, cards, emails, and texts. I’ve even had people pay for a part of my treatment.”

“What was once a no casserole illness has become a seafood feast of love and care!” Diane shared with a huge smile on her face.

Stop the Stigma

From the school shooting to celebrities committing suicide, there has been a great deal of media coverage lately about mental illness. Our society is having to face the tragic outcomes of the stigma associated with mental illness. Those with mental illnesses can no longer be ignored. The stigmas have to be destroyed, so those individuals can get the help they need and enjoy a stable life. Diane had this advice to share for those who identify with the symptoms of bipolar disorder or any other mental illness:

• Seek help in getting a diagnosis. Don’t fight it.
• Comply with the treatments.
• Learn your triggers.
• Develop a support network and lean on them.
• Build a relationship with God. He knows more about you and your struggles than anyone else.
• Never give up. Your life is incredibly valuable.

Leave a reply (below): One of my favorite quotes is, “Don’t be ashamed of your story. It will inspire others.” Diane is not ashamed of her story. I’m so thankful for her willingness to share it on my website.

I’ve known Diane for several years. I’ll be the first to tell you she inspires me. What about her story inspires you?